Bonfires and Bluejeans

Randoms from my spot next to the fire

The first boy to ever steal my heart…

on September 16, 2011

     I’m sure by the title of this blog you’re expecting a Harlequin Romance novel.  Something that will make your heart stand still with anticipation…make your blood boil with passion…make the hair on the back of your neck stand up and tingle.  Sorry to disappoint you cause this ain’t it.  It is, however, filled with first kisses, dancing in the dark, and spending countless hours talking about hopes and dreams.  It’s about listening to fears, both real and absurd.  It’s full of being silly, being ourselves and making memories that will be cherished a lifetime.  About putting my hopes, heart, and unconditional love into one single person.  It’s all about trusting, without question.  And without any fear or doubts about being hurt.  The kind of love and relationship we all hope and dream about, and so many of us girls pray many countless hours for (Lord knows I have!).
     I will admit.  The first time I laid my eyes on him, he looked a little…well…rough.  Good thing looks aren’t everything.  But it was instant.  We had that connection; something there that unless you’ve felt it, you really can’t understand.  He wasn’t really paying much attention to me, but I was cool with it.  We had plenty of time to get to know each other.  And we did.  He learned to rely on me to meet his every basic need; I found myself looking to him to fulfill some deep desire to feel loved.  Not that looking to him for love was healthy; sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.  Our closeness probably was made more intense due to the circumstances under which he came into my life.  There was heartache, turmoil and stress during the months leading up to our meeting, pain that continued well into the years that followed.  But that really didn’t matter.  I finally wasn’t alone anymore.  We were together in this world; finally I had someone with which I could share this road and journey.  He came into my life at the least expected time; probably the least opportune time really.  If ever there was a time for classic cliche’ lines, this would be it: God works in mysterious ways.
    But we lived life.  Every day our love grew stronger and we continued to grow closer.  We spent our nights together, whispering how much I loved him and him returning the love just by the adoring look on his face.  Many, many nights we danced in the dark; the moonlight streaming in the window, bouncing off the furniture to cast shadows across the room.  These are the memories most cherished.  Although we continue to grow closer and our relationship continue to evolve day by day and year to year, we will never dance in the moonlight again.  We are past that.  The middle of the night talks, while they still happen, are fewer and farther between.  There are others who get to hear what is on his mind; they share little pieces of him that were once just mine to have.

The heart stealer

   I’m okay with this, I really am.  This is the way it has to be.  While he will always be my first true love, and he will always be mine, he will have to move on.  He will move on to love someone else; give his heart to that someone that God has already planned for him.  But I want to be the one he talks to about it.  If he will let me.  I have loved him so that he will love others.  Love others with a whole-hearted, no holds barred love, but with a special spot in his heart reserved for me.  Somehow, I really don’t think that will ever be a problem…he may never dance in the moonlight with me, but we will always be able to laugh, to talk, to be sill, to be ourselves.

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