Bonfires and Bluejeans

Randoms from my spot next to the fire

Lipstick-Stained Smiles

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I really hate days like today. Days where the weather is beyond perfect…fall is in the air yet it’s still warm and sunshiny. Days where the kids are full of energy and running and playing and healthy and happy with their friends. Days where church is extra meaningful, on target and what you really need. On the outside, today is perfect. On the inside, not so much.
Today is miserable on the inside. Today is one of those days where my patience is being tested, literally at every turn. Where each one of my decisions, no matter how minor, is being put into question. Words are being said with an intensity that are usually not said, or better yet all the words that are said between the long, drawn out silences could be summed up as huge improvisions of effort. Funny how the emotions can be so much more intense when the words are absent.
Today is a day where my confidence had decided to up and walk out the door. Every one around me is taller (that’s a given), thinner, has a prettier smile, and much more manageable hair. Their outfits are straight out of the catalogs and they never say anything stupid or irritating to other people. They don’t drip their coffee on their pants or have lipstick on their tooth. No, today it’s my turn to embody all that’s wrong with the female population. Seems I’ve taken it all on my shoulders. Funny how one little innocent comment can cause me to nosedive into a tailspin of emotional vulnerability like that. Honestly, I hate myself for allowing that kind of reaction to a simple comment, but when it comes from somebody you love and respect so much, what else is there but to internalize it and count it as truth? There is so much perfection to live up to out there.
I’ve tried to smile, keep an upbeat attitude. Cause truth be told, when it comes down to it I’ll just say it’s no big deal if anyone even asks what’s going on. I know I’m guilty of this, but we all get so wrapped up in out own drama shows called lives that we fail to notice the pain and hurt that even those closest to us are experiencing. Or that we could even be the cause of all the pain. Most of the time, we just walk on by, or just pass in the hallway, convinced that we are just not involved, or that we are right, or oblivious.
No, today is not as great day. Many would just brush it off as me being a girl. As if that would explain every emotion and feeling I’ve ever had. No, there’s a whole lot more to me than a raging ball of hormones and outbursts that can be timed to the cycles of the moon. No, I do have feelings. I do have emotions. And all of these function completely independent of any biological influence that my physical nature may provide. That being said, I am sensitive to comments, innuendos, and attacks. Personal jabs that are cloaked in jokes and innocent appearing comments do hurt. No matter how hard I try to hide it.
Like any natural process of damming water, it will eventually break. And like a dam, I will be able to hold back the emotions, pain, and hurt until that one last comment or slight, then I will break. And usually without warning. And tadaa…I will have a bad day. Like today. What could have been an amazingly perfect day wasn’t.
On the outside, the conversations were fine, the lipstick-on-the-teeth smiles where fine, and I went through the motions. But I wanted to crawl up into a ball and cry. Just cry. Then eat ice cream and chocolate. Cause that’s what any self respecting girl with apparent body issues should do, right? Nah…I’ll just pick myself up, start my diet again tomorrow and face life. Wearing this goofy, crooked, lipstick-smeared smile so that nobody will be able to tell the difference.

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What I Can’t Live Without Wednesday…just a day late

Well What I love Wednesday came and went with nary a post from this chick.  Trust me, I’m aware that I have failed miserably on the blogging front, especially since it’s a themed day and all.  Ah well…what can ya do?  To be honest with you, it’s been a week of riding the struggle bus, and I’ve hopped off long enough to pen this ditty so I don’t feel so bad.  And…let’s be honest…y’all have been sitting around your computers just waiting with baited breath for an update, right?  RIGHT??  Don’t answer that.  So to get this ball rolling, better late than never, I will start the grand listing…

  • Happy Wives Club This website has seriously been a wealth of information for being an awesome wife.  And it’s working, too! 🙂  It has so many ideas, thought provoking articles, and is just a reliable resource of information for good, sound advice.  Lord knows…not everything you read about marriage these days is advice you should follow!  You can look it up HERE!
  • Ghost Nights One thing my husband and I have in common is our need to get the adrenaline pumping every now and then.  When we first started dating, we implemented what we call “Ghost Night”…Wednesdays are typically when all the scary shows like ghost hunting stuff is on TV.  Being the inquisitive types that we are, it is so much fun to watch the shows with him and try and come up with our own theories.  All week long we talk about Ghost Night and count down the days.  It’s a great pause in the middle of the week to spend time together snuggling on the couch as well as having something to look forward to together.  If something happens and we don’t get to have Ghost Night together, it really leaves a noticeable hole in the week for us.
  • Quotes This trend on social media of posting photos with quotes is right up my alley.  I absolutely love positive and funny quotes…especially when I see one and think of somebody specifically.  It’s a great way to see little reminders about a variety of subjects…all while you scroll through your news feeds.  Can’t beat the free pump up session!  One of my faves of the moment is this one:

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     I would love to think that wherever I go I leave my mark and won’t soon be forgotten.  Eh.  Sounds cheesy, I know, but I guess is boils down to the whole wanting to make a difference in the world need that so many of us possess.  This is a nice reminder to always leave a positive mark on whoever you encounter and wherever you go.  Off to go save the world…one day at a time!  Have a wonderfully blessed day full of your favorites and of making your mark!

Yours,

Jennifer

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Marriage Monday

I don’t know about you, but our life is so busy sometimes.  We seem to go through seasons where just saying hi as we pass everyone walking through the house is a big accomplishment.  Our communication seems to all take place by text, and finding the time to connect is difficult, at best.  There are other times, however, when the stars align just right, and the sweet husband and I get some quiet, much needed time to ourselves.  It is such a nice respite from the business of life to look forward to some quality time with him.  Being able to just focus on each other is priceless…and I treasure the memories that we make.  Although many times we don’t have a whole weekend together like we just did, we have found that we can be pretty creative when trying to build in some time together into our crazy lives.

One thing about life that I absolutely love is anticipation.  I love having something on the horizon to look forward to, or to be planning something.  Couple that with having something to anticipate or plan with the hubby and I’m over the moon!  It’s nothing for me to have a countdown going in my head of how many days until the next adventure!  I find that I’m really not much good with life if I have nothing “exciting” going on.  I tend to get in a rut pretty quick.  And trust me…that ain’t fun for anybody!  While having vacations, parties, and other big events to look forward to are fantastic and make me feel alive, I’ve really come to realize that it’s the little things in life that can be just as anticipated and planned for.  I think that this anticipation of fun things together really helps our marriage.  We look over the calendar, and find when we can have a bit of time together.  It may not be a full weekend, and many times it’s an evening between the two of us.  We put it on the family calendar, which makes it “official”.  We give priorities to other events and activities, so why can’t we give each other this consideration?  Knowing that next week will be date night, or that we have a Saturday adventure planned gets me through the week like no other motivation can.

Along the lines of having something planned to look forward to, is learning to enjoy the process of planning something for your husband.  Although I don’t do it as much as I would like, I absolutely love having something in the works for him.  It might not be anything big at all…planning on how to sneak a note on the fridge when he isn’t looking or putting together a getaway all really gets me giddy and excited knowing he’s going to smile.  Hopefully. 🙂  The flip side of that would be knowing (and hoping!) that he has something in the works for us, too.  I know that he doesn’t value the same things that I do (typical man v woman stuff), but I do know that he is thinking about us when he comes up with some of our adventures.  He planned a date night for one of my faves coming up…The Melting Pot.  Major brownie points for that man!!  It is a huge deal to me to know that he is thinking of me and of what I would want to do together.

Many of our inside jokes, biggest laughs, and best bonding times come from these times together.  When we take the time to make each other a priority, and focus on what makes each other happy, only good can come out of the effort.  It has so been worth the effort…even if it is something that I’m not particularly feeling up to doing, or in the mood for, or I know he could not care any less about doing, the pay offs are priceless.  I have found that during the difficult times, the memories of our times alone together, along with the anticipation of more to comes sure makes the rough times seem much more smooth.

One of my prayers before I met my husband was that God would bring someone into my life that could/would understand the importance of and appreciate the small things in life.  Getting to sneak away on a date night in the middle of the week, getting surprised by a fully planned getaway, or doing the number one thing on our bucket list are all big priorities for me, and because God answers prayers in a big way, his too.  Many know this, but he told me when right after we met that as long as we were together I would never go without fresh flowers in the house.  After three years, he’s lived up to that promise.  I know each time he goes to the store, or the county roads to pick flowers, is because he is taking the time to do something to make me smile.  I will never be able to tell him how much I appreciate it…every time I look at the flowers, I see just how much he loves me.

The point of all of this is to say this: take the time to do-and appreciate-the little things in life with your hubby.  It’s during these times that a firmer foundation, amazing memories, and your example of a successful marriage is being built, day by day.

Yours,

Jennifer

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